Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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