I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
