I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
