I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
