uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
