Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
