My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize