the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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