this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's shark week go big or go home
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
