Jerry, you need to find god
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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