I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
