he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
