Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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