I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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