I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
