jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have aggressive nipples.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
