i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
