you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
