The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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