We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
