Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
