I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize