We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
