I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
