God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
