When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
