shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
