so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
