He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
