I think my fart just growled at me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
