Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize