Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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