I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
