You really coming over, don't trick.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
