Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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