went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
