I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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