ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
