3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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