Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
