wanna go halves on a baby?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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