Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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