Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
