I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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