in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Porn is love you can see.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
