suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
