If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
