I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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