why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
