It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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