just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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