last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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