dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
