Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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