i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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