this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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