waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So much rum. So many feels.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
