You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
