definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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