why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
