I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i now understand why vodka
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
