so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
