My girlfriend figured out who you are.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
