like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
