He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize