You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
