It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
