Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
