God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
