i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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