dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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