we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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