so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
