I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
