Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
