FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
