I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The air taste purple.
Randomize
