Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
