Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
