I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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