ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Bring me that man meat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize