when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
