he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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