Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
