I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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