Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
