I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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