I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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