Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
