im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
