I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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