Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Two words: nipple clamps
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