I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I didn't notice because vodka
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
