Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
