I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
