Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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