Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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