I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
