i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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