my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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